Confession

Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been over 20 years since my last confession.

Forgive me for allowing my sons to play on their play station 3 all day.

Forgive me for wanting to scream at Zi's nursery owners/teaching staff, who after 2 years can't be bothered to read and or implement recommendations from his speech and language therapists.

Forgive for not keeping my house as tidy as I could , even though when I do it gets messy again after 2 minutes!

Forgive me for using naughty words in Bluewater shopping centre last week, when Zach got lost.

Forgive me for comparing my boys to neurotypical children their age and getting upset that they can't do what they do.

Forgive me for wasting money on toys that I know will be broken minutes after the packaging is open.

Invisible disability

If I got £1 for every person who said 'they don't look autistic' I would be a very very rich lady.

What does a child with Autism look like? There is no specific look that a child with autism has. Sometimes I find it frustrating that I have to explain the different characteristics of my sons actions - for example I take the boys to the park and another child is wearing an upsy daisy coat (a character from in the night garden.) Zach would follow this child around touching the coat, as he is a massive fan of upsy daisy. I know why he is doing it, but the parent of the child doesn't, gets irate and starts shoeing him away like he is an animal. I step in to talk to her and before I explain why he is doing it she says 'what's wrong with him, his gonna hurt her'.

I then tell her he is autistic and there is no way he would hurt her, he just loves upsy daisy. Suddenly when I say the word autism her whole demeaner changes, her defensive state turns into an apologetic state. Asking how do I cope and how sorry she is.

Crazy as it seems I don't want anybody's pity.